Nollywood diva, Omotola Jalade Ekeinde speaks with Mary Ekah on the challenges of her marriage, work and motherhood.
We
are two different peopleIt takes two to tangle; my husband and I have
our differences, but a lot of men do know what the women expect from
them to make the marriage work. I think everybody should first be
realistic in marriage.
First of all, you have to realize that you
are two different people and if you believe that you are made for each
other, and then you should understand that you couldn’t be the same
because two of the same kind don’t need each other. If you are truly
made for each other you will enjoy your marriage.
The reason I
must be with you in marriage is to compliment you and vice versa. This
means that you have weaknesses that I can help with, while I have
weaknesses that you you can help with and when you understand that as
one of the basis in marriage, it makes life easier.
My husband for
example is always very prompt but I am always very late; I have no idea
of what time. But my husband is trained to be timely because he is a
pilot so we always have issues on that. That could always cause a fight
and he would go crazy at me. But the way we resolve it is just so silly
as well.
I mean we don’t hold anything that seriously because at
the end of the day we understand that it is our life and that we both
are different. You can try to correct me but you can’t change me. So you
have no choice but to live with the differences. I am yours and you are
mine. In my family for example, divorce does not exist. We have never
fought and one of us said I am going to divorce you. We do not give room
for divorce at all. I can’t divorce my husband.
Women talk a lot
For
men, what they need to know about women generally is that, we talk a
lot and we say a lot of things that we don’t mean but we are very
emotional people and we put our emotion out there but men don’t express
themselves. We are two different people, so a man will often not talk.
For
example, when I tell my husband, let’s talk. He is like, “What are we
talking about? There is no problem.” And I am like, for God sake, what
kind of man is this?
So for them there is no problem but for you
as a woman, you are carrying your problem around and you want to talk
about it. So when a man understands the fact that a woman is different
from him, he would take things easier and learn to yield to her desires
at all time. If she talks, talks and talks after a while she will go to
sleep.
How we have kept our marriage intact
I know my
husband and he knows me and no matter what he reads or hears about me,
he only believes what I tell him and when I mess up, he is the first
person I tell. That is how open we both are to each other and because in
my family there is nothing like divorce, we have to sort it out within
ourselves. Anyway, we need to because whatever my mistakes are, they are
his mistakes.
If my husband goes out today and impregnate a
woman, I would go out and look for that child because that child belongs
to me; it is my seed, I mean that is my mentality – it may be extreme
but that is how I feel and that is how far we have gone. So we have
thought about it so far that anything below the extreme is not it.
We
have thought about the worst thing and any relationship and we can
handle it and I think that is the way couple should go. Don’t assume
that it could not happen; we are all human being and nobody is perfect. I
don’t even trust myself and so, why should I trust another human and
why should anybody trust me.
We are all human being and we are all
susceptible to flaws but that does not mean that we will continue with a
flawed lifestyles, but in case it happens, how are you going to handle
it? Talk about it now before it happens. My husband and I are very good
friends and I allow him to be himself and I allow him to relax.
I
understand that he is different and that we are together not by force.
We can actually go apart. It is actually a privilege for him to be with
and it is also a privilege for me to be with him; we understand that and
we cherish every moment we spend together. We don’t have friends that
influence our lives. We don’t make it a must to hang out with friends. I
don’t discuss him with friends and the same applies to him. He does not
discuss me with anybody even his parent to the best of my knowledge. So
we stick to each other.
A man will always be a man
I think
that, especially for men, when they feel pressured they go in the
negative direction. A man will always be a man, a man is like a lion,
they want to be the king of the jungle, and they want to feel that they
can express themselves in any way they want and that they can roam
around and that this is their territory.
And so, the minute you
start to make them feel caged; Just imagine caging a lion for a very
long time, the moment he gets an opportunity out of the cage, it is
going to tear you to pieces and walk over you. And I realise that, if a
man has the fear of God in him, just leave him and believe that he is an
adult and could take care of himself. Even if he messes up, what are
you going to do?
You are just going to die trying to monitor him
any way. I think this is one of the things that my husband respects –
the fact that I let him be himself.
My Husband is in support of whatever makes me happy
My
husband had no problem about my career and would never. He says he is
in support of whatever makes me happy. He supports me a lot. I even went
back on set after my first child was just one month old; it was for the
movie, “Day Break”. He goes to the market. I don’t and he doesn’t mind
doing that. He is my number one fan. He watches my movies like a critic.
The only scene he is not enthusiastic about is the romantic scene. But I
got to do what I have to do.
My background
I am the first
child of three children and the only daughter. I was the only child of
my parents for a long time so I was a bit over-pampered. I was my
daddy’s pet because I was the only girl. I loved to dance and mime.
While in secondary school my friends and I formed a group.
We were
three in the group and after school you will find us singing and
dancing on the road. I could mime to any popular song back then and
singing on the road got me a lot of lifts. I had a stint at Obafemi
Awolowo University Ile-Ife; I later got admission into Yaba College of
Technology to read Estate Management. My acting career had already taken
off before I got into Yaba Tech.
I started acting as soon as I
left secondary school while awaiting my JAMB results. Even while I was
in Ife reading Economics, my acting career had started. I left OAU in my
first year because I was getting married and my husband felt it was too
far. So I had to get a school in Lagos.
I got in to Yaba College
of Technology in 1996 and I got married that same year. I decided to
read Estate Management, because I realised that I didn’t like Economics
while I was in OAU. My modeling career started before my acting career. I
started when I left secondary school. I had modeled for two years
before my acting career. I did mostly calendar jobs.
Culled from : Thisday
